Dastan-e-Naukri

College ko khatam kar corporate mein hum hai aaye
kya beet rahi maan mein, lo aaj hum tumhe bataye


roz subah ke alarm se paast mein ho chukla hooon
maan nai karta uthne ka bas sona mein chata hooon
na lete bhagwan ka naam, bas boss ko gali dete hai
kya kya karna hai change subah uthte hi ginate hai


formals nahi hote hai press.. tab jeans tshirt ki yaad aati hai
manufacturing industry mein to roz uniform bada satati hai

office mein aao to log robot se nazar aate hai
unhe roz ek hi pose mein computer chlate hue paate hai
kuch der mein mein bhi robot sa ban jata hoon
lagta tha MBA hoon per typist sa nazar aata hoon



Boss na jane kyun itna kaam karwata hai
subah sham learning ke naam pe hume ullu banata hai
Roz report type karne mein subah nikal jati hai
sham ko wohi report koode mein nazar aati hai



keyboard ke akshar se ungaliyon pe tattoo se ban gaye hai
excel ki grid kuch nayanon mein chaap se gaye hai
word aur ppt ab apne bacche se pyaare lagte hai
din bar baccho ko niharte hue bas mere aashon chalak jate hai



companiyan bhi performance testing ke ajib se niyam banati hai
khane mein rakhti hai dahi, aur lunch ke baad hi kaam batati hai
canteen ka naam "MESS" kisi ne ekdum sahi tha banya
garbage in garbage out ka origin mujhe ab samaj mein aaya



mere boss mein na jane kyun mujhe ek asur nazar aata hai
kyunki roz sham ko 5 baje hi mujhe sara kaam batata hai
counter strike mein boss ke naam ka bot mein banata hoon
kyunki thoda hi sahi per maje mein bhi lena chata hoon



weekdays aur weekends, malagadi aur shatabadi se nazar aate hai
phir bhi koshish karke friday/sat ko bhi weekend banate hai
college mein kabhi calendar mein chutti nahi dekha tha ...lekin ab
pure saal ki chutti ka calander hum apni desk pe sajate hai



gtalk, buzz pe logo ke msg dek ke yahi samaj mein aata hai
fin ho ya marketing baccha ek unblocked proxy ko taras jata hai
jo mil jati ek unblocked proxy kabhi kisi ke ajmane mein
sara din nikal jata facebook pe doston se gaap ladane mein



jab collge mein they to naukri ke peeche bhagte rahe hai hum
jab aaye naukri mein to college chootne ka satata raha gum
yeh race esi lag gayi hai jindagi se
ki rote rote hasna seekh rahe hai hum....... :) :) :) :)

Dastan-e- placement

Dastan-e- placement

MBA karne aaye maan mein leke pran kuch karne ke liye
Soch liya finance lenege, investment banker banne ke liye

Shuruwat se hi charo taraf ek shor sa mach raha tha
Dekha to koi CFA to koi FRM kar raha tha
Samaj na aaya kya bala hai yeh ..aakir kyun nahi koi MBA kar raaha tha

Senior se gooftgoo hui to samaj aaya sara nazara
Agar chaiye placement to le lo certification ka sahara

Humne bhi bandh liya kafan aur kood pade is daud mein
Bhar diya NCFM aage nikalne ki hod mein

Jahan chal rahi thi NCFM, CFA, FRM ki rat rate
MBA ki padai lagbhag chod chuki thi apna pace
aayi pheli CGPA to lower tail ka matlab samj mein aaya
college walon ne notice board pe normal distribution curve baanya

jis tarah se chal rahi thi finance ki padai
laga raha tha dyslexia ke bimari humare upar aai
lekin dimag mein bas ghoom rahi thi Investment banking
man hi man kar rahe they top companiyon ki ranking

aaya placement ka season, socha ki dhoom macha denge
Day 0 pe top ki saari companiyan hila denge
Aaya Day 0 lekar top companiyan, kar diya humne dil khol ke apply
Subah waiting room mein baidhe they sham tak na wahan se hil paye

Na diya interview na diya GD, hum to shortlist ka criteria hi nahi samaj paye
Socha shayad galti hai resume mein jo hum nahi pakad paye
Gaye senior ke pass gooftgoo ka ek naya session banaye

Senior gambhir chera bana ke cv deke aur thoda sa muskuraye,
hume laga shayad certification wale din usko bhi yaad aaye
thoda soch ke pooche kya is baar tum CFA, FRM nahi de paye
hum seena fula ke unko NCFM ke 2 certification dikaye

uske baad ek hui ek lambi si baat, jo hila gayi dil ke taar
aaya humko samaj ki humari jindagi ko hai lower tail se pyaar
NCFM ka industry standard hume samaj aaya,
X, XII mein pheli hi lagi thi watt, MBA ko NCFM ne doobaya

Is tarah kat rahi thi aur aa gaye placement khatam hone ke din pass
Hum abhi bhi kar rahe they Investment banking ki aas
Ese hi haste hue nikale din week aur mahine
Placecom ko aa gaye humko place karane mein pasine

100% placement ke sapne mein hume laga rakhi thi aag
6 mahine baad bhi ga rahe they investment banking ka raag
Aakir hua placement.. logo ki kaam kar gayi sari dua
Dekha mene placecom 100% ke fig pe bahut khush hua

Placement nahi hota tab bhi yeh samay acchi yaaden laata hai
Magar ek cheez na bhoolo yaroon
college ka naam hai bada ..yeh sabka placement karata hai.....

hasya kavi samelan @ NMIMS

NM ke itihas mein phela kavi samelan hua .....read what i had to say

College days

Prafullit hai maan, dimag mein ek ajab si masti chaye
Aa gaye hai NM, abhi se executive... naam ke aage lagaye
Pure bharat se chun chun bana yeh 2008-10 ka mela
Kisi ko mila industry ka saath to koi aaya akela.

Charon taraf hai fin marketing HR ke subject ka jhol
Finance ki class mein engg hai chup accountant rahe bol
Marketing mein consumer ko mein kabhi samaj na paya
“gas” banane ka sahi formula maston ne sikhaya
HR ke personality test mein master ne esa ghoomaya
Antar maan ko samjhaya aur cheating ka sahara paya
CSR pada to companiyon ek naya hi ganit nikal ke aaya
Ped ugaane ke naam pe companiyon ne bahut paisa banaya
Magar sabse jayada maja to ethics padne mein aata hai
Unethical banda hi exam mein sabse highest marks pata hai


Master dete hai Harvard case, solution humse banwate hai
Plagiarism ka daar dikha ke raat raat bhar assignment karwate hai
Lekin wohi case hum net se doondh le aate hai aur master hume pakad nahi pate hai
Kyunki plagiarism ka software bhi to IT company mein hum hi banate hai
Aaya assignment dene samay google,scribd, slideshare ko apna dost banaya
Dost kar rahe they kaam, humne chaupati mein gole ka swad apnaya
Bina pade saal ko gujara, sara samay cell event mein bitaya
Watt lagwa li grading ke process mein, lekin council pe pad se moh na hata paya
Paragana, euporia, mein companiyon ke age sponsorship ke geet bole
Jitna paisa aaya usse kabhi whiskey kahbhi beer ki bottle khole
Jaan nikal jati hai management se event ke manjoori lane mein
Aur masti aati hai 800 logo ka event ek chote se quad mein karane mein

NM ki life hai ek masti ka gana jisse baar baar sunao
Do saal mere rewind karke ...koi wapas play ka button dabao