mere department ki junta

** Mere Department ki Junta **
________________________________

yeh kirdar hai sabhi ek choti si kahani ke..
dum rakhe hai sabhi bade badon ko chane chabwane ke
kahan se shuru kare yeh samaj nahi aata hai
jisko jab mauka mile wo wahin pe bakar machata hai

yeh bade hi nirale hai, bhooton se hasi chura ke laye hai
kaam kaaj mein ji nahi lagta, chutti har samay paye hai
yeh dariba mein kam udaipur mein jayada paye jate hai
apne negotiation ke kisse dinbhar yeh sabko sunate hai

ek doosre hai, alag se hi nazar aate hai,
dhoop ho ya nahi chasma hamesha lagate hai
doosre department mein inke kaam jayada jaldi ho jate hai
khud ke kaamo ki to bas dinbhar MIS yeh banate hai

inke andaaz bhi aaj tak koi samj nahi paaya
kaam nahi hai koi phir bhi dibhar busy khudko dikhaya
dinbhar baat cheet ke detail mein yeh chali jati hai
capex ko chod yeh har cheez pe discuss karte nazar aati hai

diya tale andhere ka matlab inhone hume samjahya
spanish ke gaano ko decipher karke sunaya
inki chemistry ka formula aajtak koi nahi samaj paya hai
dinbhar kahut karte hai kaam, khana inhone kabhi nahi khaya hai

aage chalte hai to choti si bacchi nazar aati hai
lagti hai bacchi par mirchi se tikhi baate kar jati hai
export ka mangana ho maal,to inke pass sab jate hai
bade to bade ..bacche bhi inse unche nazar aate hai

iske baad bade log bhi department mein aate hai
CSR ke naam pe bade kaam karwate hai
mota moti inki bas yehi khani hai
yeh mast hai aur inki sab baatein badi mastani hai

sath mein humare kuch ese bhi kirdar hai
jinko facebok pe chatting ki aaj bhi darkar hai
saath samandar paar se inhe sameer ka intezzar hai
inse to vendor ka negotiation bhi bada tez tarrar hai

inse milye, yeh hamesha facebook hi nazar aati hai
inki har aawaz na jake kyun planing (dpt) mein chali jati hai
nut bolt ko kharid karid ke plant ko chalati hai
mech head hai inke khass unko bahut daant lagati hai

inhe koi itna abhi jaan nahi paaya hai
jarshu guada ke jungle se inhone dariba ko apnaya hai
inke baare mein aur kuch nahi keh paayenge
yeh bahut shanti hai inki shanti ko na hata payenge


iski lambai chaudai ki ganit to dooniya ka nava wonder bataya
pav bhar ka vajan hai, tonno ke maal mangwata hai
dinbhar mobile pe najane kisse itni gaapen ladata hai
yeh bole shatabadi se tej, isko to bas bhagwan samaj pata hai

dooniya mein nautanki ki kami thi inhone kari bharpai
sari picturon ke dailouge iske jahan mein hai samayi
dinbhar phone mein na jane kya doonte nazar aate hai
shakal hai bholi se par bakar badi machate hai

yeh bhi shanti ki moorat nazar aate hai
maan mein haazaron raz daabaye na jane kya chate hai
mines ki karte hai yeh sari kharidari
par mines mein kabhi anadar nahi yeh jate hai

in sabse upar ek aur shaks aata hai
poodiya mein band jadooyi booti se unka nata hai
sankat ke samay sabhi unki sharan mein jate hai
kab kiski woh lele, hum kabhi samaj nahi pate hai

Random Thoughts

random Thoughts

its been a very long time since i have written any blog on this blog post....there is no last bench neither there are people to study its a 2m by 2m cubicle where only a job/work i do, in college the song "ek choti si naukri ka talabgar hoon mein" became our anthem and here we are sitting in ofc from morning to evening doing work like hell and have left something which I am not able to express but I know something is left behind while i am on the move...

looking behind when i see what has this "Naukri" changed in one year ....i see i have accomplished some goals....got some bank balance ...have some investments...and so many files piled on my desk to be completed....but had it been college or much back... what would i have done...i would have been enjoying a vada pav, gola or lassi with my FRIENDS.....

but u know what..... i dont miss those things as much....but what matters to me are my future ambitions and keep moving in the rat race in which i have been forced to run...i never wanted to move into a rat race ...i wanted to decide my own path...but some how there is some fear which is not on paper but existent...if you ask me to break these walls and fly away i fear for unknown or the darkness outside...why is that i dont know......

some more random thoughts are going in the mind but again its jammed as a paper in printer ...half printed half jammed...i need to clear out the jam before it ruins the printer....i hope sharing thought will do some of the work......

Dastan-e-Naukri

College ko khatam kar corporate mein hum hai aaye
kya beet rahi maan mein, lo aaj hum tumhe bataye


roz subah ke alarm se paast mein ho chukla hooon
maan nai karta uthne ka bas sona mein chata hooon
na lete bhagwan ka naam, bas boss ko gali dete hai
kya kya karna hai change subah uthte hi ginate hai


formals nahi hote hai press.. tab jeans tshirt ki yaad aati hai
manufacturing industry mein to roz uniform bada satati hai

office mein aao to log robot se nazar aate hai
unhe roz ek hi pose mein computer chlate hue paate hai
kuch der mein mein bhi robot sa ban jata hoon
lagta tha MBA hoon per typist sa nazar aata hoon



Boss na jane kyun itna kaam karwata hai
subah sham learning ke naam pe hume ullu banata hai
Roz report type karne mein subah nikal jati hai
sham ko wohi report koode mein nazar aati hai



keyboard ke akshar se ungaliyon pe tattoo se ban gaye hai
excel ki grid kuch nayanon mein chaap se gaye hai
word aur ppt ab apne bacche se pyaare lagte hai
din bar baccho ko niharte hue bas mere aashon chalak jate hai



companiyan bhi performance testing ke ajib se niyam banati hai
khane mein rakhti hai dahi, aur lunch ke baad hi kaam batati hai
canteen ka naam "MESS" kisi ne ekdum sahi tha banya
garbage in garbage out ka origin mujhe ab samaj mein aaya



mere boss mein na jane kyun mujhe ek asur nazar aata hai
kyunki roz sham ko 5 baje hi mujhe sara kaam batata hai
counter strike mein boss ke naam ka bot mein banata hoon
kyunki thoda hi sahi per maje mein bhi lena chata hoon



weekdays aur weekends, malagadi aur shatabadi se nazar aate hai
phir bhi koshish karke friday/sat ko bhi weekend banate hai
college mein kabhi calendar mein chutti nahi dekha tha ...lekin ab
pure saal ki chutti ka calander hum apni desk pe sajate hai



gtalk, buzz pe logo ke msg dek ke yahi samaj mein aata hai
fin ho ya marketing baccha ek unblocked proxy ko taras jata hai
jo mil jati ek unblocked proxy kabhi kisi ke ajmane mein
sara din nikal jata facebook pe doston se gaap ladane mein



jab collge mein they to naukri ke peeche bhagte rahe hai hum
jab aaye naukri mein to college chootne ka satata raha gum
yeh race esi lag gayi hai jindagi se
ki rote rote hasna seekh rahe hai hum....... :) :) :) :)

Dastan-e- placement

Dastan-e- placement

MBA karne aaye maan mein leke pran kuch karne ke liye
Soch liya finance lenege, investment banker banne ke liye

Shuruwat se hi charo taraf ek shor sa mach raha tha
Dekha to koi CFA to koi FRM kar raha tha
Samaj na aaya kya bala hai yeh ..aakir kyun nahi koi MBA kar raaha tha

Senior se gooftgoo hui to samaj aaya sara nazara
Agar chaiye placement to le lo certification ka sahara

Humne bhi bandh liya kafan aur kood pade is daud mein
Bhar diya NCFM aage nikalne ki hod mein

Jahan chal rahi thi NCFM, CFA, FRM ki rat rate
MBA ki padai lagbhag chod chuki thi apna pace
aayi pheli CGPA to lower tail ka matlab samj mein aaya
college walon ne notice board pe normal distribution curve baanya

jis tarah se chal rahi thi finance ki padai
laga raha tha dyslexia ke bimari humare upar aai
lekin dimag mein bas ghoom rahi thi Investment banking
man hi man kar rahe they top companiyon ki ranking

aaya placement ka season, socha ki dhoom macha denge
Day 0 pe top ki saari companiyan hila denge
Aaya Day 0 lekar top companiyan, kar diya humne dil khol ke apply
Subah waiting room mein baidhe they sham tak na wahan se hil paye

Na diya interview na diya GD, hum to shortlist ka criteria hi nahi samaj paye
Socha shayad galti hai resume mein jo hum nahi pakad paye
Gaye senior ke pass gooftgoo ka ek naya session banaye

Senior gambhir chera bana ke cv deke aur thoda sa muskuraye,
hume laga shayad certification wale din usko bhi yaad aaye
thoda soch ke pooche kya is baar tum CFA, FRM nahi de paye
hum seena fula ke unko NCFM ke 2 certification dikaye

uske baad ek hui ek lambi si baat, jo hila gayi dil ke taar
aaya humko samaj ki humari jindagi ko hai lower tail se pyaar
NCFM ka industry standard hume samaj aaya,
X, XII mein pheli hi lagi thi watt, MBA ko NCFM ne doobaya

Is tarah kat rahi thi aur aa gaye placement khatam hone ke din pass
Hum abhi bhi kar rahe they Investment banking ki aas
Ese hi haste hue nikale din week aur mahine
Placecom ko aa gaye humko place karane mein pasine

100% placement ke sapne mein hume laga rakhi thi aag
6 mahine baad bhi ga rahe they investment banking ka raag
Aakir hua placement.. logo ki kaam kar gayi sari dua
Dekha mene placecom 100% ke fig pe bahut khush hua

Placement nahi hota tab bhi yeh samay acchi yaaden laata hai
Magar ek cheez na bhoolo yaroon
college ka naam hai bada ..yeh sabka placement karata hai.....

hasya kavi samelan @ NMIMS

NM ke itihas mein phela kavi samelan hua .....read what i had to say

College days

Prafullit hai maan, dimag mein ek ajab si masti chaye
Aa gaye hai NM, abhi se executive... naam ke aage lagaye
Pure bharat se chun chun bana yeh 2008-10 ka mela
Kisi ko mila industry ka saath to koi aaya akela.

Charon taraf hai fin marketing HR ke subject ka jhol
Finance ki class mein engg hai chup accountant rahe bol
Marketing mein consumer ko mein kabhi samaj na paya
“gas” banane ka sahi formula maston ne sikhaya
HR ke personality test mein master ne esa ghoomaya
Antar maan ko samjhaya aur cheating ka sahara paya
CSR pada to companiyon ek naya hi ganit nikal ke aaya
Ped ugaane ke naam pe companiyon ne bahut paisa banaya
Magar sabse jayada maja to ethics padne mein aata hai
Unethical banda hi exam mein sabse highest marks pata hai


Master dete hai Harvard case, solution humse banwate hai
Plagiarism ka daar dikha ke raat raat bhar assignment karwate hai
Lekin wohi case hum net se doondh le aate hai aur master hume pakad nahi pate hai
Kyunki plagiarism ka software bhi to IT company mein hum hi banate hai
Aaya assignment dene samay google,scribd, slideshare ko apna dost banaya
Dost kar rahe they kaam, humne chaupati mein gole ka swad apnaya
Bina pade saal ko gujara, sara samay cell event mein bitaya
Watt lagwa li grading ke process mein, lekin council pe pad se moh na hata paya
Paragana, euporia, mein companiyon ke age sponsorship ke geet bole
Jitna paisa aaya usse kabhi whiskey kahbhi beer ki bottle khole
Jaan nikal jati hai management se event ke manjoori lane mein
Aur masti aati hai 800 logo ka event ek chote se quad mein karane mein

NM ki life hai ek masti ka gana jisse baar baar sunao
Do saal mere rewind karke ...koi wapas play ka button dabao

life away from home....

hi all today there is nothing going on the last bench which i am going to share but something is going at the back of my mind which i would like to share....

Mac D...Dominos...PizzaHut....thadi...and of course...the Road side dhaba wala...

now u must be think why the hell i am talking about all this stuff... i was just rewinding the tape of my life and look at the changes i have got in my life.....and i think the thing for which we r fighting for, is getting more and more poorer .... what have u guessed that thing as...yes u r stomach..( yeh sab pet ke liye hi to kar rahe hai..yeh MBA ..yeh Job...)

in the evening at around 8:00 pm all the above name strike my mind as rat starts racing in my stomach and I have a gigantic task before me..Choose a place to eat and more important what to eat...but alas i keep on striking them one by one..... reason...monday..mac D.....tuesday...dhabha..wednesday..pizza...and same for all the week ...does food has this taste ???? or is it my taste buds have ruined .....

I can plan for presenatation...for career but what do do about this food....i cannot plan for it..i need to take a full 30-40 min of my life daily thinking about what to eat...had it been at home ....it would have been delicious cooked... served hot in thali just presented before u while u r watching TV..and if something just got wrong..one quick say at u r mon ...." mummy khane mein namak kaam hai..kya karte ho???"...try saying this to u r dhaba wala and what u will find is a salt served to u and a dirty look as if u made a mistake....

see from where to where i have come....earlier I use to eat outside and have fun and now i only eat outside and feel like hell.....
i think the biggest transition in me has been in my eating habits i.e phele ke jo naaj nakhare hai woh sab khatam abhi jo mile woh kha lo.... aur ghar jao to bahut sara kha ke aao .... :) :) :)

i wont writing more becoz this makes me more nostalgic about the worlds best food. the one cooked by my mother :) :)



last but not the least....

same happens in the case of u r traveling(bike gone ..came locals and BEST)...living ( my personal bubble is now with 2 more roommates as compared to individual room at home)...clothes washing( washed clothes look more dirty then unwashed ....the magic of kaam wali BAI) and sleeping( from 2 feet above ground to 2 cm above ground transition makes me more hostile towards ants and their family members)...and thats why home is home rest all are houses......

NotPlacedComm Company

hi guys
m back with my feelings to share and the previous rules apply this time as well ki any mistakes found should ke kept with the person concerned

this time its a bit diffrent scenario that i will discuss......... its not the fun at the last bench neither its the ppt going on tthis time its all about NAUKRI .....yes summers placement at my college which would eventually turn into PPO/PPI and hence in to NAUKRI.....

this season (i still mean summers please dont go till winters or monsoon) we have been into the Elite group who have been having the the best fun ever in college during summers by sitting in he quad ....sipping thadi ki chai...and trying out diffrent dosas at anna's stall outside college..lisitensing to our new enthem.......all this is because we r free from summers process.....and we r free because companies either didn't liked our acads or our group dynamics ...and hence we never made it to interview's (yet we give tips about interview handling......) and to the placement...but we made it to our own company...

some good points which i could notice along with my friends..sorry sorry my partners of NotPlacedComm and think that what might have happened...that why we could not make it to shorlisting or Gd or interview....



1)Either our resume always clears the upper cut off criteria set by comapnies so .even if we choose the companies .....companies never choose us...or it may be other way round

2) We r dead sure that if a line is drawn and companies throw the resume in order to find shortlisting by taking the student resume which cross the line we can never make it, as our resume is very heavy it never crosses the line so we dont try for that...or its so light that it fly out of window...

3) Either sitting arrangemnt is such that HR never knows whether i spoke or not

4) Sometimes u never know the company but u still get call for Gd ...courtesy your friends...

5) Some companies come with small revenues but huge profile..(bole to choti choti aakhen bade bade sapne)..so u tank the GD

6)U R asked about things which u have come to learn(are bhai phele se hi aati to yahan kyun aate) lekin HR has license to ask anything

but being the member of NotPlacedCom we are above all this i.e. SAB MOH MAYA HAI..
we have been counting the no of Gd and interviews we have tanked ....because we never fail..hence we tank....


Since most of the party arrangement can be done by ppl who have already been placed (coke... britannia... ICICI...St gobain blah blah blah).....so i found that its better that i party for 2 months then to slog......

but it feels great for all the people who have been dedicated to both placecomm and NotPlacedComm .....my best wishes to one and all for their individual achivements( understand as no of tanks done) and wish them best of luck for their future endeavours...